My Hero

All too often this simple weblog has kept consistent with its aim of dissolving and trying to answer Man's greater mysteries. That being said, it is forgiveable for the author to discuss some of the topics that strike closer to home. This can not be necessarily construed as narcissism, unlike the narcoleptic who deals narcotics under the narcissus plant.

I would continue to refer to myself in third-person as 'the author', but my lack of commitment hinders its success. Just take it as my attempt to level with the audience and not appear pretentious. But now, you are trapped in a conundrum. How do you know I am not pretending to be unpretentious? You don't.

As mentioned, I will talk about something that strikes close to home. I live near the airport and the plane I was on struck the tarmac upon landing, so I deem it appropriate for me to discuss the concept of flying.

Humans aren't meant to fly. The ear popping sensations are actually slaps from a higher being telling us that we have breached the boundaries of the human playing area and crashed into the angels' casino. See there? I circumvented offending any existing religions by creating a quasi-religion where angels are allowed to gamble. I also achieve this by making references to religious figures as vaguely as possible. For example if I say I'm going to draw the prophet, tensions will rise only up till the point where they look at my drawing and realise that I drew the Spartan prophets on the mountains from 300.

Turbulence sucks too. Not to be confused with turbans, although turbans do cause turbulence in some cases. This phenomena is best exemplified by the following historical video from India.

Without going into further details, my hero is Superman.

Peace out, assholes.

The case for ponning PE

In light of a recent spike in this trend, we will examine why people would sacrifice good old-fashioned physical activity for 2 hours of aimless time.

Well, you see there? I just answered the question. You get 2 hours of free time. In that amount of time, you can:

1. Study. Not trying to be a prude here but as a wise man once said, failing in secondary school poses little damage, whereas doing the same hurts like a bitch here in JC. Maturity is indeed sobering, especially in times of stupidity.
2. Eat. Food is awesome enough said.
3. Avoid injuries. As the saying goes, nothing is certain but death and taxes. What this translate into is the ignorance of the possibility of injury, heightened in times of physical activity. But this is something you know that you do not know, so at least you know something. What would be scary would be the things you do not know you do not know, which brings me to the story of

Today
The story of today is an interesting one. Just like the previous two, the wet weather allowed for the cancellation of assembly. Which is quite honestly a very arbitrary process just to disseminate information. You assemble, you listen to some crap you don't care about anyway, then you disassemble. Its just like playing with Lego blocks, but with less educational value. And lol to the word 'disseminate'; your mom gave birth to you because she couldn't disseminate in time. Oh, snap!

That was some serious digression. I think I have attention deficit disorder. Is that a cow?

That was some unprecedented digression. Continuing with the story of Today. With the cancellation of morning assembly, everyone were pon stars in their own rights. I bumbled along for PE, after ponning two in a fortnight, for the fact that I was guilt-ridden for having so much pon in my system. It just wasn't healthy. So, PE: touch rugby on the field; sounds awesome right?

Pictured: Rugby.

Not pictured: Touch rugby during PE

[Spoiler Alert!]

It sucked.

With the field drenched, we decided it would be cool to play barefoot.

[Spoiler Alert!]

It wasn't.

Even the, we decided we should be the men that we were and trudge on in the face of adversity. After all, what else could go wrong?

[Spoiler Alert!]

Everything.

With our shoes and socks removed and our feet naked, we reckoned that there would be more traction and grip, being closer to nature's design and shit, right?

[Spoiler Alert!]

There wasn't.

I should retire that gag. I have trouble finding the [ ] brackets on my keyboard. ( ) + -  & ; * % DAMN IT WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU

Hence to make a long story short and cut to the chase without beating about the bush and have the buddha jump over the wall, you know how they always say still water runs deep? Total bullshit. Puddles in the field were barely still and they sure weren't shallow either. Basically, touch rugby today was squishing around mud and sliding in it when you fail to brake comprehensively, which happens whether you want it or not when you start running at the speed I run at, which is pretty damn slow actually. Essentially, physics was defied today, where inertia existed only as a form of delusion into thinking you will eventually stop as you slide around at uncontrolled paces, clinging on to dear life. Wait, you aren't in control if you were sliding around in the first place, I apologise for my uninformed expression. Hence, as an advocate of energy conservation, I personally feel that malls and corporations should take heed and replace all escalators/travellators with mud slides- saves a bunch of energy and gets peoples' fat asses to have a bit of exercise.

When the final whistle blew, I stepped out of the war zone, belligerent. Stained with blotches of mud, I looked back at how I thought that PE was the missing ingredient to leading a balanced and wholesome curriculum. Ah, such naivete. With my newfound wisdom, pon PE I say. Frakking dirt and grime is not frakking worth it.

Peace.